Growing up, it was okay to be childless on Mother’s Day because the focus was on our own mothers. However, once you’ve been pregnant and had a child, Mother’s Day takes on a whole new meaning.
What is Mother’s Day like for those of us unfortunate women who have become mothers… and are still childless on Mother’s Day? It’s a lot of avoiding commercials, avoiding stores, and staying off social media because everything is geared towards women who have children. Mother’s Day is often a difficult reminder of the children that are in Heaven, and makes us think about “what should have been”.
This will be my second Mother’s Day since I had my son. Last year, Mother’s Day was my first ever as a mother, and was Micah’s last day on earth. This year, I will do what feels right. I won’t make any promises – I may not even get out of bed today. I may cry for hours; I might take a walk with my dogs and my husband; I might make a wonderful dinner; I might watch the video remembering Micah for hours; or maybe I’ll have a TV marathon.
What I will do, is take care of myself. I won’t make excuses for my choices today, I’m just surviving. And that’s okay.
Her journey into motherhood (and shortly after into the babyloss community) began when Jamie found out she was pregnant in October 2013. Her only son, Micah Alexander was born on May 3, 2014, and passed away at nine days old on May 12, 2014. Micah died due to the CMV virus, which Jamie contracted at 36 weeks pregnant.
Since Micah’s death, Jamie has been passionate about breaking the silence of pregnancy and infant loss, and raising awareness of CMV. She found that writing was very therapeutic, and continued her blog - A Real Beautiful Tragedy - chronicling her pregnancy and subsequent loss.
Jamie is currently organizing an international photography project to raise awareness of pregnancy and baby loss called Releasing the Mask. You can find Jamie’s photography on her website, Jamie Wells Photography, and watch her video to remember baby Micah and raise CMV awareness on YouTube.
- Writing as therapy - September 4, 2015
- Isolation - August 10, 2015
- Letting Yourself Cry - July 10, 2015
I have had 9 miscarrags, and for me mother’s day is one of the hardest days. I mourn every year. Mostly because instead i find it to hard to remember due dates. But mother’s day is my consitant reminder.
Thank you for sharing Amy, and we’re so very sorry to hear about all of your precious babies. Life sure is not fair <3 You are still a mother though, and we believe you deserve to be celebrated, however painful it is