Surviving Mother’s Day

Maureen-mothersdaypost

Mother’s Day. Just those two words are enough to make me feel like I have been kicked in the gut. All the sappy commercials reminding me of all the special parent-child moments that I will never have. All the vomit-inducing over-the-top cards that are shoved in your face and made an obligation to send. All the strangers asking what my kids are doing for me on the day. It is all just too much.

It has been two years since my fifth miscarriage and one year since we made the decision to stop trying for a child. Some days I cope relatively well and some days I am still very much in survival mode. Mother’s Day is definitely a survival day. I hope some day to be be able to something meaningful on Mother’s Day to honor my motherhood, even just to be able to go to a restaurant on that day without crying would be a start. But I am not there yet and that’s okay.

So on Mother’s Day you will find me in my sweats, on the couch, pigging out on chocolate and watching Netflix so I can avoid seeing the stupid commercials. For this day, I will give myself permission to wallow in my grief, if I want. It is my day to take care of me with whatever helps to keep me going.

Maureen Schaefer
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Maureen Schaefer (known as Reen to her online friends) found herself battling infertility and recurrent miscarriage after trying to start a family in 2011. Maureen found information and solidarity in her online support groups and eventually began to help moderate a group for those pursuing advanced methods of trying to conceive. She also co-founded a group for those actively trying to conceive who have experienced two or more pregnancy losses or babies born still (Babycenter's Actively Trying with Repeat Loss). Now, after five pregnancy losses, Maureen is coming to terms with living a childless life. You can usually find her behind the scenes helping out with Still Mother's Facebook page and groups.

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