June.

You are summertime and sunshine. Fireflies and fragrant lilies. Sweet memories and love. Sweet possibilities and half-formed dreams.

June.

You are also bitter tears and broken hearts. Loss and tangled shadows. Darkness after the light goes out. Tattered dreams and deep, deep sorrow.

June is Lily’s month.

Lily was my fiery spark of light. My star in the night. My second chance to love and mother. My bond with her was different than with her older sister, Grace. With Grace, the love and joy was instantaneous. I fell in love with her in a moment, a breath. Even after Grace’s father died, I never feared for Grace. Grace was my light and hope through the terrible pain of losing my partner and her father. With Lily, everything felt infinitely more complicated. With Lily, I knew what it was to love and to lose.

To be honest, I didn’t want to love Lily. I was afraid to love her and lose her as I did her sister. For the brief time she was with me, I felt endlessly torn between love and fear. It didn’t take long for love to win.

I couldn’t help but fall in love with the fiery, feisty spirit that grew inside me. Lily, my little firefly in the night. Under all the fear and uncertainty, tiny Lily stole my heart. I wanted nothing more than to be her mother, to bring her into this world, to know her, and love her through life. That reluctant love burned to a fierce and steady brilliance.

And then June came. And Lily was gone.

With her death, June became the month of bitter tears and broken hearts. Loss and tangled shadows. Darkness after the light goes out. Tattered dreams and deep, deep sorrow.

It is 6 years this month since my fiery firefly left and turned the sunshine of June to dark and shadows. I still love her fiercely. And now I see that, though her tiny body died, her firelight never went out.

She lives on in the month of June, when fireflies light up the night and sunshine fills the days. She is my fragrant Lily that blooms bright and brief.

June is Lily’s month.

• Author
• Recent Posts

Emily Long

Emily Long is the mother of two much-loved daughters, both gone-too-soon. Several months after the death of her fiancé, their daughter Grace was born still. For many years, Emily lived with this loss in silence and isolation. It wasn’t until she experienced the death of her second daughter, Lily, that she finally sought support and created a community of people who helped her find the beauty and joy in life again. Through her own healing process, Emily became an advocate for all families grieving the loss of their children. Emily is a grief counselor in private practice and the author of the upcoming book, “Invisible Mothers.”

Emily works hard to increase education and improve care for bereaved mothers with medical professionals and other counselors. She also works with clients individually to provide support for grieving mothers and fathers. She writes and educates through her website, Emily Long: Archaeologist of the Living.

Latest posts by Emily Long (see all)

• I Should Know Them Now - May 29, 2017
• Stolen Memories - March 8, 2017
• Receiving Support - October 14, 2016