We’re back for another Talk to us Tuesday!
Today we want to talk about the “Second Silence” from yesterday’s posts (You can read them here: Still Standing Post and Still Mothers Post).
Many times, as Still Mothers, or mothers with no baby born after loss, we feel ignored in the community. Pushed aside at the first mention of “no living children”, or “no new baby”. Just like many loss mothers say they feel left out of non-loss circles because people don’t want to face the elephant in the room – sadly, yes, children die – we feel deserted when we say “not everyone has a baby after loss”.
Yesterday, we opened the door the conversation with the community by talking about “breaking the second silence” and we actually feel heard by many! Carly Marie shared the Still Standing post on her facebook page with a lovely blurb of her own about the topic that you should check out. There were many comments and conversations that have stemmed from her sharing, and it is so wonderful to know that we are being heard!
Today we’re asking for you to share with us how it feels for you to be a Still Mother in a loss community that is so focussed on healing from having another baby after the one that died. How did the posts that were shared yesterday make you feel? What about the comments? Do you feel supported by the loss community as a whole? Do you feel more supported now that Still Mothers exists?
We think it is very important to have the conversations. So please take the time to share and comment below – your voice and opinion is important to us regardless of if you agree with the majority or not. Also, this week watch for comments from Still Mothers contributors in the comments section below.
After years of investigation, it was determined that Finley's death was caused by many counts of medical negligence by the military hospital where he was born. Lisa found it to be incredibly important to hold the hospital and medical staff responsible for their actions, and Lisa and her husband were offered a wrongful death settlement from the United States government for the death of their son. They hope that by holding the hospital legally accountable, that it will prevent other babies from dying in a similarly needless way.
Lisa is just a normal girl trying to help her son's memory live on by writing honestly and openly about life, love and loss. She is co-founder and web designer at Still Mothers, blogs at The Stars Apart (formerly Dear Finley) about all things life and babyloss, and has also written articles for Still Standing Magazine and Circle of Moms. Lisa lives in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada with her husband Steve and their cheeky dog, a Staffordshire Bull Terrier called Jacob. She tries to find meaning in life by pursuing her many hobbies and interests, which include photography, crafting and web design.
- The Birthday That I Want – Finley’s Birthday Post - March 23, 2016
- Talk to Us Tuesday - June 16, 2015
- Talk to us Tuesday - May 26, 2015
I personally just don’t understand why when i post any article that speaks of being a baby loss mom with no living children their are just a few likes or responses and at times no response at all. I am so thankful to have Still Mothers and been able to connect with women who are trying to find a new normal and learn to live life with no hope of having no living children.
People just don’t want to heart about it. It’s really hard to feel so alone in the world. We’re so glad you found us <3.
The fear of not having a living child to raise is overwhelming for me. I find that people do not want to acknowledge that fear or the possibility of that reality. Platitudes and empty reassurances don’t make me feel better, but actually hearing my concerns does. Just by letting me know my fear is valid makes me feel less alone.
Yes!! Validation is what we need. Never empty words! Thank you for sharing.
I caught a lot more friction from other loss moms than I ever expected. I know it’s scary to imagine some of us have no “hope” or “reason to go on”, but we don’t have that living child to distract us and we’re over being told it’ll happen.
Sometimes it doesn’t or they die too.
That isn’t an assault on babyloss moms with living children. It just is.
It’s all part of our new normal, huh? If only we too could just ignore it!
Absolutely loved this article! It is so true that people don’t realize that not everyone gets their happy ending. They don’t realize that continuing to tell me not to give up is hurtful. That if and when I make that decision to stop trying to have another baby it will be one of the most difficult of my life. I am so thankful for Still Mothers because I know that there are other women like me out there with full hearts and empty arms. Lots of love to all of you!
Thank you! And I agree to much! It’s not about “giving up” when no amount of trying can change the outcome. We get it. Thank you for sharing <3
Love love love this article. It truly is a taboo within a taboo.
Right?!? Thank you <3
We’re waiting on adoption, and I am so tired of hearing that it’s going to happen.
They told us that all through treatment and every time we lost our baby.
They were wrong.
Not everyone gets to be happy.
Wouldn’t it be great if things just happened like people say they do? Then we wouldn’t even know about loss or heartache.
They are SO wrong!
I enjoyed both articles. I am all to familiar with the possibility of not havig a child after loss. After losing multiple pregnancies at different points, I don’t know how much longer I can try. It does takes it’s toll physically and emotionally.
Thank you, Jessica. You’re absolutely right, it takes a BIG toll. If only people realized. Thank you for sharing <3