It’s the same every year until it isn’t. I never dreamt my husband would celebrate Father’s Day without his child, without his baby girl. Now here we are approaching his second Father’s Day; still with no living children and him longing for his baby girl. To be honest I thought the first year would be the hardest and in some ways it was, but I have nothing to give him… I am unable to give him what I believe his heart desires most, first to have his daughter back and second another baby.
He has never blamed me for our daughter’s death and he has never blamed me for not being able to become pregnant again. Yet, I can’t help but feel responsible and to blame. I feel like a failure, because my husband is a father to a little girl in Heaven and not on earth. Nothing I do to celebrate him, as the father he is, will ever make up for the fact his daughter died.
To all the mothers who also feel like failures, especially on Father’s Day, you’re not.
To all the fathers with no living children, I’m sorry. You deserve to be celebrated, to be recognized, and to be honored.
Heather is the Co-Founder and President of the 501(c)(3) non-profit Hannah’s Heart and Love. Hannah’s Heart and Love was inspired by their daughter Hannah to help others and to help break the silence of baby loss. She is also a contributing author for All That Love Can Do.
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I really feel this. The one thing he wants, I can’t give him. I can’t say anything to make it better. I can’t do anything to make it better. I can’t offer him the distraction and joy of another child. I can see him struggling and I feel so powerless… and like a failure. I can’t protect him anymore than I could protect our son.