Our Sons Are In Their Room

When our twin boys, Damon and Drazan, died last May 21, my husband and I were sent reeling. And it was in this condition that we were expected to make some pretty important decisions: to bury or cremate…? Do we baptize them, or…? What kind of service should we…?

It all felt so heavy, like I would be crushed underneath the responsibility of it all. And that’s because it’s the only shot at “parenting,” in a way. There won’t be any christening or first birthday party, so these ceremonies can give us grieving parents an opportunity to nurture our babies, in a traditional sense, at least once.

But, for many personal reasons, most related to our completely shaken faith, we did not have a service, religious or otherwise. It was just too painful at the time, and we didn’t want the ceremony or the company, frankly. We wanted to be alone with our grief and the memory of our sons.

A few months passed.

And then we felt like we should do SOMETHING.

But we didn’t know what, or where to begin.

We had been trying to decide what to do with their urns – tiny little hearts with their names engraved on the tops. We hated the velvet boxes they were resting in. So I got in touch with Lisa, a friend of mine who is an incredibly talented fine artist, and also one of the most compassionate people I know. I asked her if she would be willing to work on a piece to help us heal.

I am so grateful that she said yes.

These wooden boxes are her masterpiece, and they feature our sons’ actual hand and footprints. Dixon and I even created the pads that sit inside. Everything about our boys’ “beds” is handmade by us…or someone we love.

And it helps us both rest a little easier.

Behind this smile is a mama in mourning. Jaime Groth-Searle is the mother of Damon Patrick and Drazan Anthony, twin boys born too soon at 22.5 weeks. She thinks of them every single day, at least once, in between juggling her career in advertising, writing her first novel, running her thrift store blog (thriftstorescore.co), hanging out with her husband and two cats, and generally just trying to fill her life with joy in any way she can.

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