In those first dark days you will find yourself asking, “What is the point”? Everything that once seemed so important will lose all meaning. What is the point of getting out of bed, showering, eating? Much less, working, making a home, or planning for the future! Your world has been shattered and you find yourself stumbling along, trying to pick up the pieces.

You have been humbled to the lowest point possible, and you will have to rebuild your life from the ashes.

You will have to find purpose again; A new purpose. And you will succeed because you now have a passion that cannot be stopped. There is great power in the pain that can only come from surviving such a great loss. And after your world is broken into a million pieces, you can choose which pieces you pick back up. You are free from the “obligations” that society projects. You stop “sweating the small stuff”, partially because you don’t care and partially because you realize how pointless it all is. When your child is gone, you simply don’t have the energy to feign interest in the trivial. This is a heavy loss that will take all the strength you have.

As you face each new day carrying this weight, you will become stronger. Not because you want to, but because you have to. You will find yourself doing things that you never knew you could, and what you can do is pretty amazing. You can start an organization in your child’s memory. You can reach out to others who have also lost a child. You can quit your job and find something better or different. You can let go of old friendships, and bravely form new ones. You can stand up for yourself and your right to grieve. You can discover a new hobby. You can fall in love with new and different adventures. You can change your life in any way you need to in order to heal. You can stand behind a cause with unrivaled zeal. You can fight to preserve your child’s legacy until your last breath.

The strongest people I know have lost a child. The bravest souls have known this heartache. The most driven and passionate parents are those who face each day without a piece of their soul. And some days that simply means putting one foot in the front of the other when all you want to do is crawl in a hole. It means smiling on the outside when you’re dying on the inside. It means choosing to live everyday, because your child can’t. It means enduring the most horrendous trial and not giving up. It means having a heart that is broken, but still beating. And with each new beat, your child lives through you.

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Alex Hopper

Alex Hopper is a freelance writer living in North Carolina. She has been happily married to Trent for 7 years. Their son, Cyrus, was diagnosed with a rare fatal birth defect at their 12 week ultrasound. They chose to fight for his life and to carry him with love for as long as they could. He was born on November 25, 2013 at 33 weeks and lived for a precious 1 hour and 9 minutes. They are heartbroken that he is gone but thankful for his life and know that he will never be forgotten. He is their only child. Now Alex chooses to write openly and honestly about her grieving process and hopes that her words will help others feel less alone. She created and writes at Hope in the Heartache, and is a writer for All That Love Can Do.

Latest posts by Alex Hopper (see all)

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