By Trish-Ann Taylor
Our sweet daughter, Joislen Grace, is one month into her rest. One “monthiversary” of the many more to come.
One month down. ____ more to go, till I get to hold you again.
I have a list full of wishes. My totally viable princess could’ve lived on this earth. But this cold reality is my portion nonetheless. I have to live the rest of my life here without her. Every month, that date will come again.
While the perceived emptiness can feel overwhelming, I’d do it all over again for the memories we got to share.
Still born but still loved.
Our ten month journey was so real. It was so, “us”.
While being apart from you seems impossible. I’m still thankful for our time. I wouldn’t trade it to spare my devastation.
When we sign up for motherhood, we agree to the terms and conditions of the world of possibilities it may come with, hoping for the best.
I wish I had a cute “one month” milestone collage to boast about how my girl is advancing. Instead I have a countdown with an unknown end, and a life to navigate through, without you.
I cannot wait to experience the contentment in this ‘all-sufficient grace’ I read about. For now, I have heartache, and a lifetime of this monthly date to face without you.
I miss you my sweet baby girl.
*****
What date is your “monthiversary”? Do you feel it every month?
Trish-Ann is a mother to her purpose baby, Joislen Taylor, whose memory she plans to keep alive for the rest of her life. She is a major advocate for patients; pursuing her career as a Labor and Delivery nurse. She works alongside local hospitals in San Diego to bring about necessary change to better accommodate grieving families. She truly embodies the heart of a philanthropist, and has an enjoyment in creative expression.
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Joislen is with me everyday. I honor her eternal spirit that is with the Lord. Each month down is one closer to the glorious day when we are reunited. I so look forward to it ?
Thank you Lori! I just saw your post about still mothers and remembered my guest submission from 7 weeks ago, and lo and behold it was just shared yesterday. I had no clue ? Hugs.
Beautiful post, Trish. Thank you for sharing it.