Infertility is certainly not a laughing matter but sometimes we use humor to deflect our pain and avoid crying. Since it is Infertility Awareness week, let’s see if you might be infertile in Jeff Foxworthy fashion.
If you know the meaning of all these acronyms, BFP, BFN, DPO, PCOS, CD, RPL, IUI, IVF, or FET, you might be infertile.
If you have ever answered “cycle day 3” or “2 days post ovulation” when someone asked you what day it was, you might be infertile.
If you have ever updated your Fertility Friend chart while your legs are propped up against the wall after sex, you might be infertile.
If you have ever accidentally spoken to your husband in TTC acronyms, like we need to DTD on CD12 and 14, you might be infertile.
If you know more about fertility and tracking ovulation than your OB/Gyn, you might be infertile.
If you buy your ovulation and pregnancy tests in bulk, you might be infertile.
If you take a HPT right after a trigger shot, just so you can see that second pink line for once, you might be infertile.
If you’ve used Softcups for something other than AF, you might be infertile.
If you have put off a fight with your husband until after sex because you are close to ovulation, you might be infertile.
If you have had sex in the middle of a fight with your husband because you are ovulating, you might be infertile.
If people ask you if you have tried x, y or z and you have already tried it all, you might be infertile.
If your phone auto-corrects the word “I’ve” to “IVF” you might be infertile.
If you know what an RE is, you might be infertile.
If you have your RE’s office on speed dial, you might be infertile.
If you know all your RE’s nurses by name and voice, you might be infertile.
If you can quote your last CD3 blood work results from memory, you might be infertile.
If you can tell your phlebotomist which ones are your “good veins” you might be infertile.
If you get regular dates with the Trans-vaginal Ultrasound (aka the Dildo Cam), you might be infertile.
If it feels like your RE sees your privates more often your husband, you might be infertile.
If years of trying to conceive has killed your sex drive, you might be infertile.
If you have taken medications by mouth, up the hoohah and via a shot in the same cycle, you might be infertile.
If you have ever felt that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and sex making a baby for you are equally mythical, you might be infertile.
If you have ever wondered if you should start using meth to up your chances of pregnancy, you might be infertile.
If it feels like you are the lucky charm for everyone else around you to get pregnant, you might be infertile.
If you feel like a magnet for every pregnant woman in a five-mile radius to come to you to complain about their pregnancies and/or children, you might be infertile.
If you start telling friends or coworkers that you aren’t planning on having kids or aren’t ready to try any time soon, just to try to get them to stop asking if you are pregnant yet, you might be infertile.
If you have considered throat punching someone for their “helpful” comments like “are you sure you are doing it right,” “maybe you want it too much,” or maybe you aren’t meant to be a mother,” you might be infertile.
If you have un-followed all of your Facebook friends who have children, are pregnant or who even hint at stomach upset ( just in case it’s morning sickness), you might be infertile.
If you have become an expert at making excuses to avoid attending baby showers, children’s birthday parties, gender reveal parties or family reunions full of babies, you might be infertile.
If you dread Mother’s Day more than a root canal, you might be infertile.
If you’ve already thought of at least five things I forgot to list, you must be infertile.
Please feel free to add your own in the comments. We’re all in this together.
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