You know who she is: the Still Mother in your life.
She is a mother – she carried life inside her body, she birthed her child into the world – but her precious child died, and she has no child to raise.
Her heart is bursting with love, but there is no one here to catch it, so she sends it out to find her child, wherever he may be.
Her arms ache from her child’s absence. Her heart bears a hole the exact shape of the one she is missing, and it reminds her every day that he should be there.
She longs for life to be different. She longs for her child most of all.
She watches as everyone she knows has living children to keep, and her heart breaks asking, “Why not me“?
There’s never an answer.
She bravely faces each day, with a strong determination to keep her child’s memory alive. She fiercely protects her child’s story, just as any other mother protects the child she got to keep.
Her world is full of constant triggers, and reminders of what should be. There is no place she can go without seeing what she’s lost; examples of how life should have been. All of the world is full of children, and families, and her life feels empty.
She feels alone, with no place to belong.
Even other loss mothers tell her to “get help” and “move on” and “stop being so bitter”. They no longer understand, because their arms are full, once again.
If only people knew the enormous amount of strength to keep going when your only experience with motherhood is loss. If only they stopped to tell her how amazing it is that she keeps on living, keeps growing, keeps healing. If only they’d realize how much her heart has broken, and feel the weight of her loss.
Mother’s Day hurts when you’re a Still Mother. There’s no way to make it okay. But you can remember her, and honor her, and tell her how much you miss her child with her. You can send her flowers, bring her a meal, get her a card or send her a note. Tell her “Happy Mother’s Day”.
Her motherhood deserves to be honored, her child remembered, the weight of her loss carried together, by friends and family who care.
That’s the best gift you can give a Still Mother, to show her you remember she’s a mother too.
She is the creator, co-founder, and Editor of Still Mothers.She is the founding owner of All That Love Can Do, a resource for families who continue pregnancy after a fatal diagnosis. She is a contributing author of Still Standing Magazine, and All That Love Can Do, and her own blog, The Love We Carry.Her story is featured in Still Standing: Because They Lived and "Invisible Mothers".
She is married to her faithful husband, Bryan.
She speaks openly about life and loss, the joy of carrying her son, and the heartache of living without him. She believes no one should have to face a life of loss alone.
- Still Mothering - May 5, 2017
- The Mothering Project - April 9, 2017
- At Least - November 28, 2016