One year ago, on May 10th, Still Mother’s went live.
Our vision for a place to support all loss mothers with no living children came into being.
Many months of hard work – writing, planning, creating, and designing – all came together in a lovely way, and we began on a journey of honoring the brave mothers who face each day with full hearts, and empty arms. Mothers who struggle to find a place to belong. We wanted to make a safe and beautiful place to come together and say, “Our children may not be with us, but we are STILL mothers.” From our hard work, our hearts, and our determination to make Still Mothers the place to turn when it feels like no one understands, Still Mothers has grown. From a few followers at first, to almost six thousand today, we are making a difference in the community.
With the words our contributors share, we see into the lives of Still Mothers. We hear the hurt, the anger, the sadness, but also the hope, the healing, and the strength. Still Mothers are strong and brave mothers. Mothers who are most often overlooked, but truly ones deserving praise. There is no harder job in this life than facing a world full of bellies and babies and children, when you have no living children after loss. Not only do you suffer from the grief of your precious child’s absence, but also the constant triggers and continual pain of watching everyone you know go on to have a healthy child to keep. Always feeling left behind, but still always finding the inner strength to go on. That is the Still Mother.
None of us would have chosen to join this club of being a bereaved parent. Even more, none of us want to be in this smaller club of being a Still Parent. Too often we are marginalized, not just by society in general, but also by the loss community. People want to talk about the stories with happy endings but not everyone can or will go on to have a living child after loss; that’s simply the way it is, and so our stories need to be told.
There is an old proverb that a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. Nothing will take away the pain of losing our children, of course, but it does help to know that we are not alone in this pain. It helps those of us who are contributors to examine our feelings, give them voice, and let our children live through our words. It helps those of us who read to see our own feelings put into words, to know that someone understands and to share those words to help others among our friends and family to better understand us. It helps to have support groups where we can safely talk about life as a Still Parent with those who are walking a similar path. In an ideal world, this resource would not need to exist because no child would die before their parent, but we all know this world is far from ideal. So we will continue to be here, in our mission to provide a voice, support and a community.
We are looking ahead to the upcoming year with a determination to continue the work we’ve begun. To become the place to be when you have no living children after loss. To break down the lies that say hurtful things like, “After every storm comes a rainbow”, and get rid of the idea that the only way to heal after loss is with another child. It’s simply not true. Still Mothers heal, too. Still Mothers grow, too. Still Mothers create beauty from ugliness, too.
We hope that you’ll continue to join us along this journey. If you know a Still Mother, share our page and website with her. If you are a Still Mother, join us in one (or more) of our many groups. You can find them all here. If you have something to say about life as a Still Mother, share a guest post with us. We are here for you!
Thank you for making Still Mothers what it is. We look forward to another year of changing the conversation about life after loss, and bringing you posts and stories from our hearts.
Our children are missing from our arms, but we are STILL MOTHERS.
***Thank you to Maureen Schaefer, our faithful Facebook Editor, excellent writer, and Still Mother of five precious babies, for contributing her thoughts on this post. She works very hard to make our Facebook page great, and we love her for it!***
She is the creator, co-founder, and Editor of Still Mothers.She is the founding owner of All That Love Can Do, a resource for families who continue pregnancy after a fatal diagnosis. She is a contributing author of Still Standing Magazine, and All That Love Can Do, and her own blog, The Love We Carry.Her story is featured in Still Standing: Because They Lived and "Invisible Mothers".
She is married to her faithful husband, Bryan.
She speaks openly about life and loss, the joy of carrying her son, and the heartache of living without him. She believes no one should have to face a life of loss alone.
- Still Mothering - May 5, 2017
- The Mothering Project - April 9, 2017
- At Least - November 28, 2016