I don’t know what she looks like, but I see her everywhere.

I see her darting in and out among the kids off to school. I see her in the nighttime, tucked away in bed.

I see her beside me in the car – some days quiet, too annoyed to talk with Mom. Other days chattering away about all the teenage girl things.

I see her shoes tangled up with mine, her wet towel on the bathroom floor, her favorite cereal by the fridge, the piles of clothes in her room.

Everywhere I look, she is there.

My baby.
My girl.
My should be teenager.

My phantom child that no one can see but me.

She walks with me, every day, this child of mine who never took a breath in this life with me.

She lives instead in phantom time – the space where life and death combine in flashes and glimpses telling a story of what could have been.

I and only I see her life unfold in the mists of phantom time.

She is bright. She is beautiful. She is alive.

Living. Breathing. Laughing. Crying. Existing. In the phantom time.

I am the mother you do not see but I walk with my child every day.

My phantom child.

As real to me as the children you hold. As loved as anyone could ever be.

She is mine and I am hers, walking together until I join her again, in the phantom time.

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Emily Long

Emily Long is the mother of two much-loved daughters, both gone-too-soon. Several months after the death of her fiancé, their daughter Grace was born still. For many years, Emily lived with this loss in silence and isolation. It wasn’t until she experienced the death of her second daughter, Lily, that she finally sought support and created a community of people who helped her find the beauty and joy in life again. Through her own healing process, Emily became an advocate for all families grieving the loss of their children. Emily is a grief counselor in private practice and the author of the upcoming book, “Invisible Mothers.”

Emily works hard to increase education and improve care for bereaved mothers with medical professionals and other counselors. She also works with clients individually to provide support for grieving mothers and fathers. She writes and educates through her website, Emily Long: Archaeologist of the Living.

Latest posts by Emily Long (see all)

• I Should Know Them Now - May 29, 2017
• Stolen Memories - March 8, 2017
• Receiving Support - October 14, 2016