“New normal”
It’s a term that has come up quite often during my pregnancy loss journey.
The first time I heard the term used was when I spoke to another pregnancy loss mom who told me life may seem dark now, but I will soon learn to adjust to my “new normal”.
In the early months after losing our first born — Ava Christina — at 22 weeks I didn’t quite know what it all meant.
I knew that I cried so much I could barely open my eyes. I knew that every time I closed my eyes I could feel Ava taking her last breath on my chest as she did that stormy day in July.
I replayed over and over in my head everything up to the day my angel came into this world too soon. Could I have done something different?
For months I walked around in a daze.
As the weeks went by the fog lifted. It was like I can breathe again! Yes, I experienced many sleepless nights (I still do) and endless sadness, but little by little, tiny snip-its of laughter and joy have begun to seep back into my life.
Life after child-loss is never the same: the sunshine is not as bright,the holidays are not as festive, and I no longer “sweat the small stuff “. My outlook on life now is just different.
I have forever lost a piece of my heart and the innocence that comes with being a first time mom. I will never know what it is like to enjoy pregnancy milestones without the fear of losing another child.
So I guess I am learning to adjust to life now, and my “new normal “. And, really, you will too.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Joy and her husband Dan loss their only child Ava Christina on July 25, 2016 at 22 weeks due to preterm labor. Joy and her husband currently reside in New Jersey and are supporting each other to cope with their loss.
- Infertility vs Cancer - April 19, 2021
- Loss is Not a Dirty Word - December 7, 2020
- What I Wish I Could Tell the Non-Loss Community - November 17, 2020