Dear Loss Moms With Living Children,
I still have days where I can be very bitter. Today is one of those days.
As loss parents, we have the common denominator that is losing a child. Some have lost more than one. Losing a child alone is awful; gut wrenching even. It’s horrible. There’s not a whole lot worse than that if anything at all.
One thing not all of us have in common: other children before.
Another thing not all of us have in common is the difficulty getting pregnant in the first place. Seriously, consider the drama and mind $#@! that adds to the mix.
Last, not all of us have in common the fact that we will never have a living child ever again.
Don’t get me wrong here, loss is loss is loss… yes. We heard this before. Nobody is taking that loss away from anyone. Can you do me a quick favor and think for just a minute how different your life would be without the living children that you have?
I’ve heard from some loss moms with living children about the struggle they have trying to parent living children after a loss. Man, that’s gotta be tough. What strength, hard work and will that must take to be a mother when your heart breaks. Truthfully, I mean that.
Reach into your mind for just a minute and think with me.
You know how people turned their heads away from you when you lost your baby? They didn’t want to look at you and recognize that babies die. They didn’t know how to deal with you or what to say to you. They wanted to pretend like nothing happened. What if you are doing that to those of us who have no living children?
What if when you lost your baby, you came home to not only their empty crib, but a house empty of any pitter patters at all. What if that baby you were carrying was your last and only chance to raise a child? What if all of those things you prepared for that baby were never ever passed down to their younger sibling because they just never came. What if you weren’t so $#@!-ing confident that you’d get pregnant again so $#@!-ing easy?
Nobody ever said you had it easy. You got a crap deal just like the rest of us… but you got some good too. Never forget that. Nobody is saying that makes it perfect. You’re kidding me if you say it doesn’t feel better to have a tiny person to hug and love after losing your baby.
Yes, I’m going to say be thankful for your living children. If you aren’t, there are plenty of us with empty arms that would take the burden.
Signed,
An Empty Armed Mother
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- What I Wish I Could Tell the Non-Loss Community - November 17, 2020
Thank you for saying what so many of us struggle with.