(Editor’s Note: This article does touch on termination for medical reasons and religious talk of seeing your child again; if these are sensitive topics for you, please read with caution)
Dear Maya,
You don’t know me because we never met, but I know who are; or who you were supposed to be. You were my angel. You were that bright star in the night sky. You were supposed to be the reason I would rush home from work everyday. You were supposed to be my daughter.
But some things don’t always go as planned and the brain you had never fully developed. You never would have walked. You never would have talked and you never would have gone to school. Rather than let you live a life of pain and suffering, your mother and I decided to spare you from that curse. I did not want you to live a life where you would never be happy, or even understand what happy was. I hope you can forgive us for what we’ve done.
I hope someday that we can meet in Heaven, and when we do, we will dance. We will dance like it’s your birthday. We will dance like it’s your prom. We will dance like it’s your wedding day. We will dance all night long. All of these events you never would have been able to enjoy on Earth so I hope you can understand why we made this tragic decision.
I will think about you everyday for the rest of my life and if you see me from Heaven, please don’t be afraid to say “Hi!”
Love always,
Dad
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Vince met his wife, Lili while he was teaching English in China. After several years together, they decided to get married and move to the States. Once home, both Vince and Lili enrolled in graduate school to obtain Master’s degrees; Vince in chemistry, Lili in teaching. They were both very eager to start a family. Several months later, they learned Lili was pregnant. All seemed well until some months into the pregnancy, they got news no parent ever wants to hear. Their team of doctors informed them that the baby’s brain had not developed. They would lose their future child.
The hardest step for Vince and Lili then became how to move on. Vince found hope in attending support groups and after pondering, “If I could say anything to my lost child, what would I tell her?”, he came up with the idea to write a letter to the daughter he lost. Vince said that writing and reading the letter to other people has helped bring him closure and acceptance of what has occurred. Furthermore, he wants to share this letter with anybody out there struggling to make choices nobody wants to make and moving on to continue life.
Vince and his wife currently live in Milford, CT. Vince is between jobs and Lili plans to be a middle school teacher in the fall. Vince wants every dad and future dad to know, whatever happens and whatever choices you make, you are not alone.
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I am sorry for your loss of precious Maya. This beautiful letter really shows your love for her. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you
Thisi s beautifully written Vince!
Love,
Mom