By Crystal Barber
As you grow up, there are always topics of conversation that seem to take place with every new person you meet. It starts in childhood: “What’s your name?”, “How old are you?”…and so on. Once school age you are asked about your interests; such as, favorite color, sport and foods. Asked if you have siblings and how many. All a simple means to get to know someone new.
The older you get the questions change. “Are you married?” “Do you have any children?” “How many?” It just seems to be never ending. Babies make people happy. They bring joy. It’s hard to think of something meant to be so joyous turning out to be heartbreaking.
Once you become a Momma to an angel, you learn quickly that truthfully answering the question about kids makes others uneasy. It makes the simplest of nonchalant conversations turn heavy and dark.
Here’s the thing though, she is MY daughter. I won’t lie and say that I don’t have any children because I do.
I held her in my arms. I’m happy anytime anyone asks about her or if I have children. I want the chance to publicly identify as a mother, even when I don’t feel anywhere near like a mother. It gets hard to relate to mothers who have living children. I can’t show off pictures of my daughter. I can’t tell stories of all the wonderful things she does.
I can, however, tell of the enormous amount of love I have for that little girl and how much I love being her Momma, even if it means being worlds apart.
What most people don’t understand is that, while yes, sometimes I get teary eyed when Sadie is brought up, I enjoy getting to speak of her.
She existed.
She matters.
Her life, as brief as it may have been, has made a HUGE impact in my life. I am forever changed from the short, sweet life of Sadie Lynn.
💗 Sadie’s Momma
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My name is Crystal Barber, I’m 27 years old and have been married to my husband for 4 1/2 years. I’m a Pharmacy Technician in Nebraska. Before getting married my husband and I had a miscarriage and then an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in the removal of one of my Fallopian tubes. In spring 2016, we found out we were expecting. That summer we found out we would be having a girl, Sadie. Everything was PERFECT. No issues what so ever. Then, at 39 weeks the unthinkable. I didn’t feel any movement. We went to the hospital to get the devastating news. I was then induced and on November 27, 2016 our sweet girl was born.
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