Loss is Not a Dirty Word

Loss is not a dirty word.

To anyone that has never experienced a loss, specifically a child loss, the statement may seem silly. Anyone who hasn’t gone through the intense pain of losing someone so tied to your heart, mind, and soul often dismisses that a majority of the pain actually comes in the days weeks, months, and years after the initial loss. Nothing can compare to that moment you realize your baby will not live to be a toddler, teen, or adult; but a close second would be the uncomfortable, awkward look on someone’s face when you say you are a survivor of a child loss.

Loss is not a dirty word.

However, it all too often feels like one. When the topic of children comes up it more times than not comes to a screeching halt when loss is mentioned. Most of the time it’s because the other person doesn’t know what to say or how to handle it so they either try to move on or try to offer cliche statements such as you can have more kids, or I can’t even imagine, or even you make me wanna hold my kids even tighter tonight. Though it’s understood that the statements are meant to act as a comfort to you in this uncomfortable situation most of the time it just leads to more sadness. Many times pushing someone who has had a life ripped from their very grip to avoid the conversation altogether.

Loss is not a dirty word.

Talking about a child that is no longer here is not unpleasant. Even if you only heard the heartbeat but never saw a face, saw their precious face but never saw their eyes open, held them but never took them home, took them home but never watched them grow up. Even if you only have personal memories that maybe no one else was able to be a part of. They are yours. Just because no one else or only a handful met your child they are still your child. you are allowed to talk about them.

Loss is not a dirty word.

Your child lives on through you. don’t be afraid to say their name. Don’t shy away because others are uncomfortable.

Loss is not a dirty word.

Loss is a lonely word.

Lonely because you are still living, though a giant piece of your heart is not. Lonely because you’re often misunderstood or forgotten; lonely because though you want to talk about them or even just say their name you can’t or don’t in fear of upsetting someone else or making conversations sad or uncomfortable.

Loss is not a dirty word.

Birthdays or due dates still mean something, holidays are difficult, death dates are a thing, and the pain never goes away. None of those things are dirty. They hurt more than anything should and can be uncomfortable but in no way are dirty.

Loss is not a dirty word.

Loss is a sad word but sometimes life is sad. Sad does not mean less than. Just because you are sad or have gone through a loss you are not less than. You are a survivor and your child is watching smiling knowing you are carrying on and carrying them with you always.

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Sofia is a caregiver for people with special needs and a part-time writer.

Her Daughter Chloe Grace-Marie was born March 14th, 2009, and passed away on April 1st, 2009. After the loss of her daughter, she has vowed to spread love and support to those living in her shoes and educate those that are not.

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