To My Friend

To my friend who asks about my pregnancy. Thank you. Thank you for realising I want to talk about it. Thank you for realising my pregnancy still means something to me. Thank you for allowing me to share my memories. Thank you for asking my advice in relation to your Continue Reading …

Bereaved Motherhood During A Pandemic

By Alison Ferrera Bereaved motherhood and a pandemic is complicated and there is much to say, but let me just start by saying COVID-19 sucks.  It sucks for everyone.   And there are so, so, many specific groups it sucks extra for.  And, yes, my mother taught me not to say ‘sucks.’  But this Continue Reading …

Dear Friend

By Chelsea Roman The days and weeks after the death of my daughter, Athena, I’ve been flooded with “I can’t imagine” and similar comments; they are empty and unhelpful.   This is my response to those comments:       _______________________________ Editor’s Note: This guest post is by a member of Continue Reading …

The Devil Doesn’t Need More Advocates

The internet is both one of the best and the worst things to happen in the world of grief support. We now have websites, pages, and support groups for grievers; places where we can be heard and feel understood by people around the world. Celebrities are even opening up and Continue Reading …

As A Parent, I Have Empathy

Earlier this year, I wrote about one of the phrases I hate, namely when people accuse us of being ‘stuck’ in our grief.  A writing prompt from 2019’s World Childless Week got me thinking about another phrase that I hate, “as a parent, I have empathy.” Equating parenthood and empathy Continue Reading …

Dating After Loss

2016 was the year of loss for me. After losing my daughter, I also faced the loss of my relationship with her father.  All of that on its own was extremely tough to work through, but then I faced something incredibly confusing and daunting– dating.  Except, this wasn’t only dating- Continue Reading …

Representing Still Parents

A non-profit organization that I work with held their 7th annual Footprints On Our Hearts Walk To Remember the weekend of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. My husband and I had never attended a walk for our son before. It was an extremely emotional but comforting experience for us. Continue Reading …

Grieving Together, Separately

You hear many things about grief – “it comes and goes in waves”, “there’s no wrong way to grieve” and “everyone grieves differently”. In my experience, these are all true, but the last one was incredibly real after the loss of my daughter. What do you do when you’re not Continue Reading …

It’s Not Black or White

Time and time again I hear about expectations regarding grieving parents. We hear about how they “should” or “shouldn’t” act, what they “should” or “shouldn’t” do, what they “should” or “shouldn’t” talk about. One valuable life lesson I’ve learned is that expectations can choke the life out of even the Continue Reading …

Grieving as a Still Mother – It’s Not the Same

We’ve all had that moment; you tell someone that you don’t have living children and you hear “I completely understand, we lost our first one, too”. You feel an instant connection — finally, someone else who gets it! — but then they tell you how they have had more kids, Continue Reading …

Dear Grief Bully

To those who think I don’t still hurt, who feel my time mourning has an expiration date … To those that feel I should be “over it by now,” “moving on,” “writing about happier things,” “feeling better,” “snapping out of it”… To those who don’t understand why I celebrate and Continue Reading …

Dear Friend

Dear Friend, Congratulations. Please understand that I am trying to be happy for you. Please understand that I wish you and your baby nothing but the best. Please know that I love you. But, please also understand that when you just announced your pregnancy, my heart literally hurt. Please know Continue Reading …

6 tips for Friends and Family Announcing a Pregnancy to a Still Mother

Consider that this pregnancy announcement might be difficult for her We understand that for you, this pregnancy is a wonderful news that you’re excited to share with the world – and for the most part, the world will gleefully congratulate you. But remember those that will be too heartbroken to Continue Reading …

Maybe

Maybe you wanted a perfectly natural water birth with limited pain medication, and instead you had to face the disappointment of having medical intervention and giving birth in a bed…Please take a moment to imagine the extent of the disappointment of saying goodbye to all your hopes and dreams for Continue Reading …

Honor my Child; Honor my Grief

There is enough struggle in grief without having expectations on where you “should be”. The idea we need to be “happier”, “better”, “to move on” or – at times – to be sadder does not support us in our grief, but rather brings up feelings of guilt and shame. You Continue Reading …

On the Pregnancy and Children of Others

When it comes to the feelings of jealousy, longing, spite and heartache that accompany a bereaved parent on their journey of grief, I am a veteran. I fight the daily battles, all while surrounded by people who not only have no understanding in regards to being childless, but certainly have no understanding Continue Reading …

A New Schoolbag

This September my 6-year old goddaughter is starting school. She will attend a specific sports program, with training and lots of activities, I believe. Her mother kept me well informed about the preparation process, the selection of the proper school, gathering information, the entrance exam, and, now, the final steps Continue Reading …

Thoughts on One Year of Still Mothers

lisa-mothersdaypost

One year ago, on May 10th, Still Mother’s went live. Our vision for a place to support all loss mothers with no living children came into being. Many months of hard work – writing, planning, creating, and designing – all came together in a lovely way, and we began on a Continue Reading …

Tips for Dating a Still Mother

red flowers, grand canyon

The moment Addison’s father and I decided to go our different ways I realized how hard meeting someone else was going to really be. Dating is hard to begin with but here I am, forever attached to my ex, always talking about my baby, which is his baby too. It takes Continue Reading …

Personal Trials at Work

Being at work can be a challenge as a Still Mother.  I manage a small sports therapy clinic, and overseeing the ins and outs keeps me pretty occupied. Most days I can just worry about regular office stuff, but occasionally some personal trials come up within my workday, one of which still throw Continue Reading …

Reality Check

yellow flowers against a cloudy sky in Arizona

*Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on Chloë’s blog, here. “It is better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness.” I started to blog for two reasons : first, because I thought the love I shared with my daughter was a story worth telling. Second, because I was living in an oncology Continue Reading …

Brave and strong

*Original version published here. What do people really mean when they say, You are so strong? You are so brave? They mean: You are different than most. Different than them. They say maybe you are somehow better equipped to deal with this tragedy. (Perhaps it’s no coincidence it happened to your family). Continue Reading …