Let me introduce myself. I am a Midwesterner, born and raised. I am a wife, married since 2006. I am a middle school special education math teacher. I am a sister to one and aunt to five nieces and nephews. I enjoy reading, cooking, organizing, and music. And this is where I get a bit complicated.
I am a mother. In 2010 we found out we were pregnant, and we were ecstatic! Things were going great until we entered the second trimester. At a regular checkup, we were told that the baby had died. We were in complete shock. After another week of blood tests and ultrasounds, we had to decide how to proceed. I ended up having a D&C procedure.
All around, the experience was very traumatic, but we decided to try again a few months later. With the second pregnancy, the doctor knew the baby was not progressing normally. During this time, I struggled more emotionally and spiritually than at any other point in my life. I cried out to God to save my child. I feared each day that I would lose my second baby. It was hell for me. I knew that, no matter what happened, I had no desire to try for a biological child again.
We started the process to become foster parents. It was a natural progression for us since we were quite familiar with the process of foster care and foster adoption. In fact, before we were even married we had decided that someday we would adopt a sibling group. We had just expected that someday to come after having a biological family.
After a month of ultrasounds, and blood draws, we miscarried our second child. Struggling through my two pregnancies changed me forever. I became very introverted and insecure, struggling with panic attacks and depression.
I lost many friends, probably because they couldn’t handle my continuing grief and changes in my personality; I wasn’t healing as fast as people expected. On top of my grief, I had to deal with unsolicited advice and insensitive comments. Two books that really helped me during this time were Empty Arms: Hope and support for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or tubal pregnancy by Pam Vredevelt and Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George. They helped me to process my grief and work through my depression.
Several months into the process of becoming foster parents, we unexpectedly moved to another state. When I called the agency to let them know we were moving, they actually put a stop on our submitted, completed application. Because we hadn’t completed the process, we had to start it all over again in our new state. After another six months of paperwork, trainings, and background checks, we began fostering in November 2011.
We fostered a little boy and then a sibling group of two children. We knew our intention was to adopt a sibling group through foster care so that we could provide a home to several children who would otherwise be separated. Had the opportunity presented itself, we would gladly have adopted any of the children we fostered, but that was not meant to be. While fostering, I frequently perused the waiting child lists (various websites that post children who are available for adoption through foster care – their parental rights are already terminated). I had inquired about several groups of kiddos, but their needs were always beyond what we could handle.
I had been telling people that my “ideal” family would be three Hispanic kiddos, either two boys and a girl or three boys, under the age of six. One day, their smiling faces appeared on my screen. We inquired and were given some information about them. We applied and then waited. We didn’t hear back for three months! Although the kiddos had only been posted for four days, over thirty families had applied to adopt them. We made the initial cuts, and then we had to do a phone interview.
We were chosen! I could hardly believe it! The next day, my niece was born. My parents went from one living grandchild to five living grandchildren in 24 hours! Being an out-of-state adoption, the paperwork and logistics were quite the process, but we were able to meet our kiddos four months after being chosen. That was nearly two and a half years ago.
Our lives have been turned upside-down as we welcomed three amazing children into our home. It has been more difficult and more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. I wouldn’t have it any other way, despite the challenges that come from adopting children that have been through trauma. Our family is as complete as it can be, this side of heaven, and we are extremely thankful for the option of adoption.
Jen Magnall was born and raised in Minnesota and graduated college with an elementary education and math degree. After graduation in 2005, Jen moved to Colorado to teach middle school math. She married her husband in 2006, and we spent a few years traveling and enjoying being newlyweds. In 2010, Jen received a master’s degree in middle grades math education. That summer, Jen and her husband were ecstatic to find out that they were expecting their first child. When they miscarried their baby just into the second trimester, it was devastating. They discussed adoption at that time, but decided to try again. In 2011, they lost their second baby and started the adoption process. Jen knew that she could not handle the “risk” of being pregnant again, despite the fact that there are no medical issues preventing them from having biological children. That same year, Jen and her husband moved to Kansas, became foster parents, and had their first foster placement. Throughout their time being foster parents, they parented three children. In 2012, they found their forever family on a waiting child list. They got to meet the children on Christmas Eve of that year and bring them home on January 2nd. In 2013, they finalized the adoption. Although the joy of finding her forever family is overwhelming, Jen finds it hard to be an adoptive parent, and she still misses the babies that she carried.
You can contact Jen by email at magnallfamily@gmail.com or at her blog Faith, Hope, Love and My Forever Family.
I had no idea you went through all of that! am so grateful for your mom